KitKat Bars or Brussel Sprouts? Both can be Good Medicine for a "BODYatarian"

For many years I was a self proclaimed vegetarian.  I gradually stopped eating red meat and then fowl and then fish, as I discovered the world of vegetarianism. My overall lack of vitality is what drove me to this diet. For a while, I didn't eat eggs , dairy, sugar or wheat either, so I suppose I was a self proclaimed gluten free vegan, before eating that way was really popular. In my exploration of this "new to me" way of eating, I read lots of books and discovered many new foods that I didn't know existed. I became really good at substituting ingredients for recipes that included foods that were "Not good for me", thus off my list. I enjoyed the discovery process, but my kids would likely have a thing or two to say about the changes to their well loved cookies, cakes and muffins, as well as my substitution of their Halloween candy for healthy treats. 

These dietary changes were well overdue at that time. I was still eating Froot Loops as a staple well after I was a married woman. However, I found that the changes in my health were marginal. Well into my gluten free vegetarianism, I had multiple dreams that I was eating a juicy red steak. Ignoring what I would now consider a plea from my body for much needed nutrients ,  I stuck to my strategy. If nothing else, I was dedicated. It was not until years later that I realised my body was talking to me. Through the assistance of my mentor, mastery teacher and friend William Linville, I began  dialoguing with my body to find out what it needed rather than relying on a book, a model, a concept or my intellect to guide me. William is a Walk In who is a clear conduit to creator consciousness. For those who are not familiar with this terminology, William is an enlightened being  connected to vast universal intelligence and is here to help. The first time I heard him in a radio show with my friend Jennifer Hough,  I thought, "who is this very odd little man?". Within minutes, I felt my entire constitution right itself and come into equilibrium. In other words, I felt amazing and I knew that Will would be a wonderful guide for me . He is funny , odd and unusual thus the perfect mentor for me. His antidocts and intentional verbal play constantly make me laugh.

Getting back to food, I hear so many people saying this or that is "good for you'. What I have discovered is that nothing is entirely  "good for you"  and nothing is entirely "  bad for you. There are no rules. The best to way to know what your body needs is to ask it. This requires stepping away from a model that insists that gluten free, sugar free,  wheat free and meat free is the best choice. That broccoli is good and kikat bars are bad. That quinoa is more nourishing than wheat. For some, it may be the best choice and for others it will simply be a starvation diet. Giving broccoli to a body that feels deprived on a pleasure level, is not a step toward vibrancy. Foods like chocolate, have the capacity to  activate the pleasure centres of the brain and create an overall sense of well being when taken in the amount asked for by the body. If the body asks for a glass of wine and it is given the entire bottle, this will not compliment it either. Given any sustenance that it asks for in the amount requested, will always create vitality. It is the same for exercise.  I went to yoga classes for 13 years until one day I heard my body say very clearly, "I HATE YOGA". I remember saying to myself, "really but I though it was good for me?"At that point my body spoke volumes, I heard what it said and  switched to NIA which is a form of dance that incorporates yoga, marshall arts and enough of a dose of playfulness make it enjoyable for me.  This move improved my vitality and overall joy of life. So giving a body a 60 min spin class when it needs a gentle walk on the beach will simply lead to exhaustion  because it reverses the polarities of the body and causes a state of deprivation. The body may be requesting a spin class once a month, followed by 3 gentle yoga classes. For other people gentle yoga classes are not the recipe when the body is asking for 10 spin classes or  a session of hot yoga. There is no overall good or bad for you in anything. We have been taught to give our knowing away to a model that requires everyone to respond to the same medicine, creating the illusion that one thing is good and another is s bad, when in fact, neither is true. The KEY is to dialogue with our own unique instruments called a body and begin to know ourselves. It's a beautiful dance between the body as a vehicle to move us around the planet and our higher levels that hold the intelligence of our own unique life stream and is connected to the very source of all life.  

Learning how to tune into the body and be friends takes a wee bit of time to cultivate but is a worth while investment. Before I get up out of bed in the morning, I ask my body, "what would you like today my good friend?. This morning, I heard, "I would kill for a yoga class and I would like to lay down on the sand at the beach ." I had discovered a few years ago that my body does not entirely hate yoga, but it only benefits from it when it asks for it. When I give it a calss that it wants, it feels heavenly. Every stretch is like a mini orgasm. The enjoyment is supreme and my mind has nothing to share asbout being bored.  This week my body also requested  2 massages,10 days apart and then no more until requested. It has asked for celery and carrots and beets on other days. Sometimes glocosamine and trace minerals for a month and then be done with it. On other occasions the request is for kitkat bars or mint chocolat smoothies and a hamburger. Although red meat and fowl are not requested often, I most definitely will eat that hamburger when my body asks for it and it is always finger lickin good. In fact, it tastes so good that I want to eat the wrapper it came in too and then no more until and if it is needed.  It also works the other way around too. At Christmas, I  really enjoy eating a turkey and so I will dialogue with my body and inform it that I will be  enjoying a turkey dinner with som extra feasting and would it please simply open and allow the indulgence and eliminate what it does not need, The answer is usually "sure go for it but pease drink plenty of water to flush it out easier."

I will admit that sometimes, I am unclear as to what is needed . When I am not hearing my body's request for one reason or another, I sometime receive hints from the world around me. A few days ago while grocery shopping, a older man leaned over and said, "you know brussel sprouts are great for allergies. I am not sure what prompted him to share this with me in that moment, but I heard him say, "hey Kiala, you might want to consider eating some brussel sprouts because they would compliment your body at this time." The same day, another woman said to me, " you know yogurt is bad for your sinuses."  Although I do not hold this to be a rule, I knew that it was another message for me. I had been requesting that my body bump up the information it had to share and here it was coming in rapid fire. The next day, a good friend said, "Kefir is good for you." I heard," Kefir would be a better choice  for you than yogurt because it is full of probiotics and will more easily digest and fill your intestinal track with yummy bacteria that will help your overall vitality." Will I stop eating yogurt entirely for my whole life and eat brussel sprouts every day,  unlikely , but for this week and maybe the next, it will be good medicine and what my body is asking for so that it can move through this phase of celluar change and integration.

Next time you go grocery shopping, experiment with letting the body lead. Ask what it needs and let it inform you. If you feel drawn towards a certain food, it is likely something that will be perfect for you. Not good, not bad but perfect. If you are not sure if it is the mind or body that is requesting the food, you can use what I call the human pendulum to test. Just put the food up to your chest and stand still. If  you sway forward it's a yes and if you sway back it's a no. It's fun and you will look ridiculous!!

Island View Beach near Sidney BC on Vancouver island Nov 28th, 2013

I am constantly growing and opening into listening to my body. We are becoming better friends after years of separation. If I had to give a word to describe my relationship with food and movement, I would call myself a   "BODY atarian".  A co creative friendship of body and spirit for optimal enjoyment of life.

SHOWING UP. It's a WIN WIN no matter what else happens!!

A week ago Friday, I bought myself a ticket to the local fiddle fest barn dance, put on my best dancing shoes and headed down the highway. In case your mind was wondering a bit here, I was also wearing a dress. The  shoes only version likely wont show up in any blog.  All joking aside, what I really want to share about this dance, is how vulnerable I felt as I headed towards yet another unknown venue.  I made a few very weak attempts to invite friends but for reasons unknown to me, I felt called to show up solo.  I was  unceratin whether the dances would be "called", in which case it would be easy to absorb a partner from the crowd but if not I was worried that I might not have anyone to dance with and that I would feel really awkward.

As I approached the entrance to the dance, in perfect synchronisity, I met up with a women I had played with the previous weekend at the Victoria Folk music retreat. She in turn introduced me to her friend and voila, I had doubled my people before I even got through the door.  That was a good start. Once inside, I stood watching the dancers acutely aware  that I might stand there all night. Feeling a bit awkward but allowing myself to be with the nuances of discomfort , I did nothing to change how I felt in that moment. I just stood there and let myself not know. With no resistance and my attention fully in the present moment, I started to become  aware of the delicious light that filled the space as kids and adult of all ages swirled accross the floor in a miriade of original moves. I took out my camera and captured a room full of dancers and orbs. In fact ,I could see the orbs with my naked eyes as the camera flashed.( Orbs are little energy entities that seem to show up where there is joy.) As I photographed the action, I was filled with a sense of belonging which dissolved my worry and that is when I knew that the night was already a win because "I showed up."  As I felt the energetic embrace of the community, it  wasnt long before I had a dance partner. In fact, as the night progressed , I had so many partners that I had to decline some to catch my breath. Knowing that the fiddle is a sound that fills my soul, heck maybe it is the sound of my soul, I felt every fibre of my being being entrained to a higher frequency. I felt as though I had had a shower and was being cleaned from the inside out. 

Having the courage to be uncomfortable in uncertainty is the key to new experiences that have the potential to alter the course of our lives. To stand somewhere and feel utterly awkward or stupid and not move to change it, fix it or fade it has the potential to open doors that have felt bolted and unavailable. I have found this to be true in so many contexts. Last Sunday, only days after the barn dance and the fiddle magic, I went to a musical soiree at the Norway House in Victoria. The program every Sunday starts with a jam session, moves into an open mic , and ends with a professional show.  Eager to jam, and the first to arrive, with ukulele in hand, I  sat in the circle of chairs previously arranged for the  the jam session. I fiddle with my uke , played a bit, chatted a bit and mostly  felt AWKWARD because, as the keener I was  still the only one in the circle.  For what seemed like a very long time,I sat there feeling awkward. Once again, I did not move  to change anything. I let myself be there, feeling whatever came up. Eventually,  I became aware of a presence affecting  what was unfolding for the evening. Although the future was unknown, I felt myself as an intricate part of it. Just by breathing and being in the circle, I felt my clear presence light up and entraining the entire place to a higher vibration. I didn't try to do anything, it just happened as it took on its own life. Eventually other musicians joined in and it was easily the sweetest jam ever. As we went around the circle, each leading a song in turn, we created gorgeous heartfelt harmonies. The rest of the evening unfolded on the wings of these sweet sounds. Once again, the awkwardness , "the yet unknown to me", was like a transportation device into compete enjoyment.

On another recent occasion, I drove 40 minutes to a dance at the Legion in Langford BC.  I went in, walked around, said hello to the people I knew from the Victoria Friends Meet up group and realizing that this venue was not complimentary to me, turned around and drove the  40 minutes home. I  put on my PJs and watched a movie instead. It was a great evening. I showed up for myself and in so doing, I was able to give a lift to a woman from the met up group who may not otherwise have been able to attend the dance and give myself a quiet evening. Another win win.

By showing up we create change, we create transformation and we create new possibilities.


 JUST BY SHOWING UP ITS A WIN NO MATTER WHAT ELSE HAPPENS. How cool is that? 

Falling ass over tea kettle and wondering what else is possible.

One of the benefits of living more deeply in my body is my experience of music. I have been longing for my singing voice for 30 years and it is just now expanding.  As my body has opened, so has my sound both vocally and instrumentally. Last weekend, I attended the Victoria BC Folk Society’s fall music retreat at Shawnigan Lake just north of the city. It was like an all you can eat buffet of dancing, singing, jamming, workshops and friendship. Over the course of the weekend my body opened spontaneously and unexpectedly, to receive the vibrations deeply into my cells and tissues . Like powerful medicine, it went directly to where it was needed in my body . Did this experience reach me in his way  because I am feeling safety and security from the inside as a way of being? Is it becoming more available as the throughs and perceptions that have told me that it wasn't safe, are leaving? Probably both. Either way, I welcome it in whole heartedly.

I have mentioned that “ safety and security is an inside job” in the last three blogs and still it keeps coming up. This is probably because I continue to have a deeper experience of what it is to live inside of my body. Each day there is a new revelation that comes through to me. A deeper sensation. I noticed at the camp that as I received the sounds, so did I feel more able to make sounds and share my sounds with the group. That felt amazing to me.  I wonder what else is possible? How much more can I embody my higher self as I continue to give the green light for life to keep presenting scenarios to assist me?

My friend, mentor and mastery teacher, William Linville, has shared with me again and again how scenarios that trigger emotional and physical responses in us, show up so that they can cease to have any power over our lives. When we are no longer under the spell of past experience, stored in the body, we become free.  Last week , I went to dinner with two friends and while we conversed, I felt energetic daggers from one of my companions. I thought to myself, " this is strange, I wonder what is happening here?". Her disposition was one of exclusion and I was quite surprised at how this was presenting as it was unexpected. The exclusion part did not trigger an emotional response from me but the daggers definitely did. Right away, I began to breath and pull myself into my body because I was starting to pop out on account of the knife like sensations. I am deeply empathic and I get allot of information kinestetically. So if safety and security are an inside job then what would be the use of popping out. The intellect  can only process information at 40 bits per second while the body can process at 4,000,000 bits per second. Another reason to live life leading from the body principle (being in the body). Kids are full body learners and livers , until we teach them out of it. We all come into the world with a masters degree in awareness, only to have it to replaced with a bachelors degree by the time we are 5 years old. I call this this the greatest dumb down of all times because we then spend the rest of our lives trying to get the master degree back or wondering what the hell happened to it. lol. 

Getting back to my friend and the daggers, I felt myself jump in and out of my body the entire evening. What was coming up for me to see was feeling like I am a bad person which was creating a question about safety and security. In retrospect, if I could go back to the experience again and have a do over, I would have asked my friend what was happening with her and shared what I was feeling. At the time, I was perplexed and feeling safety come and go, and so I did not address it. However, the laughter elicited during the movie Last Vegas (a must see), which we proceeded to after dinner, cleared so much of what came up in me . Laughter is a powerful fire breath and energy mover.

I hold possible that I could be a person that is deeply curious about what is happening and be able to let my body do what it does while I investigate with my voice, without judging anything. This is the ultimate science experiment because there is allot going on at the same time. It's like rubbing your belly, tapping your head  and singing simultaneously .  We are all continuously presented with opportunities to evolve ourselves. Our bodies constantly give us signals as to where to put our attention so that we can move unresolved issues/energies . Last week, I fell on my left hip three times. The first two times I was at the beach and slipped on a log. Immediately, I asked myself what I was thinking just before I fell. I knew that my attention was being drawn lower down in my body and out of my head. I laughed and said to myself "thanks for the reminder" and carried on. Incidentally, I am a good faller as a result of many years of skiing and walking on ice.The third time I fell, I was in the shower. My feet slipped out from under me and I ended up on my left hip again. While I was in pain, I was greatly relieved that I had not catapulted across the toilet and into the sink. For a moment that was distinct possibility, which would likely have resulted in a skull fracture. So while I lay on my back, blanketed by two shower curtains and a curtain rod, with a stream of water now blasting the entire room, I laughed so hard I thought I might pee right there in the tub. While thanking my lucky stars that I didn't need a bigger reminder (i.e the skull fracture) , I wondered aloud what I was thinking before I went ass over tea kettle (old Irish family expression). It turns out that each time I fell, my thinking was limited to past experience rather than wondering what else is possible.

SO WHAT ELSE IS POSSIBLE?   

Who am I becoming. What else wants to present? What dreams and visions want to be realized?  Which ones have yet to be dreamed? 

 I AM READY.  LET'S DANCE !!

Getting to the Place of Possibility and Creating Outrageous Results

Like an underlying suppressed tsunami , the cellular memory  of abandonment, isolation, loneliness, sadness and being cut off from my tribe, had hung heavy on my chest most of my life, making breathing quite difficult at times and leaving me to tire easily. The words I give to describe these memories, may come from this  lifetime or from another.  Knowing the origins is not important . In the 5 or so years prior to departing on the journey that took me around the world, I had felt periods of deep connection and oneness with all that is and then it would disappear. It was as though my body could only host me (my clear spirit) as a visitor and not a permanent resident. Thoughts of sadness and loss sitting in area of my heart created a resonance that was not conducive to hosting the clarity of my higher levels (my god self or creator self) . My life would open into profound clarity and then collapsed into uncertainty, causing me to yoyo between being out in the world, fully vibrant and then retreating and hiding. It was a tiring game of hide and seek.

 So if wholeness came through when my higher self was connected with every cell in my body and it wasn’t a by product of people, money , houses, possessions or places, then I knew that I would need a jolt to begin dissolving the emotional lockdown. To thaw the freeze up around my heart,I knew that I needed a big shake up and that is why I gave a green light for life to have it's way with me. My mothers death was the first of the big jolts that came through.  When she died, I felt like something had been ripped out from under me. I also knew immediately that everything was as it should be, even when I felt like throwing up . Her departure started the movement of unprocessed dead energy . Knowing her, she probably grabbed a chunck of it out of me as she left. Lots of it was her baggage anyway and so why not take it with her into a state where she could do something about it? I didn’t trust myself enough at that point to unleash the wall of water that stood damed behind my rib cage, like an impending Niagara falls, but the shock was enough to jump start the stagnancy.

 Given the intensity of the suppression, I was truly blessed with a travel companion for the first part of my journey through Sedona and Hawaii.  As with everything else along the way, what was required was always given. We spent two months together prior to departing for Australia, where my friend would met up with her partner and I would begin my solo journey.  

During the first two months, touching mother earths power places in my bare feet, my identity began to  deconstruct.   A shamanic journey through the red rocks of Sedona Az. and through the portals of time revealed to me, for the first time, my true identity. I saw myself. I remembered who I was before all of the debris clouded my vision . I will never forget this encounter, which has been like a magnetic force pulling me forward.

In Hawaii I swam with my beloved brother/sister dolphins in what I would describe as a timeless,  magical,  healing, playground of delight. With my friend Joan Ocean and so many other amazing people from all over the world, we surrendered ourselves to the planetary transformation of 12 12 12 and 12 2112 .  Once again we were carried through the portals of time as we sang, played, leapt through quantum realities and quieted ourselves into a new paradigm. 

By the time I arrived in  Australia, I could no longer hold onto my old  identity and all hell broke loose. I took a wild ride through the halls of time that some might call a trip through hell, as my egoic mind deconstructed. On boxing day, while thousands of people milled around enjoying the festivities of the Woodford Music Festival, feeling completely abandoned by my travel partner’s reunion with her life partner, I layed down in my tent in the burning heat and I cried until I thought I would die.  I knew that this time of undoing was the greatest gift of all. In my book, I go into more details of this death/birth but for now, suffice it to say that it was an experience like no other and felt bitter and sweet all at the same time. Once it was over, I had became a new version of myself. There was more space for me in my body.  To mark the end of the festival, on new years day, January 1st , 2013, the new me found myself on stage singing in the choir of a professionally produced show while thousand of onlookers lit their candles and joined us in the chorus of Leonard Cohen's Hallelejia. To say I had goosebumps is an understatement. 

 As I continued to travel through Australia, New Zealand and Indonesia, the suppressed energy around my heart continued to soften. I received another needed jolt in Bali when I crashed my motor scooter. Once again, I knew a jolt was coming but I didn’t know how or when. This time the energy moved through in a more physical release. I got back on the scooter as soon my bruises and open wounds were closed up and had another month of enjoyment flying around on the ruleless roads of Bali.


 As I moved into Paris and then Greece, I felt the trapped energy as an underlying panic . A constant treat of a tremor, no longer as powerful, but I was still leery of letting it out entirely. I hadn’t completely discovered yet, that safety is an inside job and I still felt quite unsafe opening the cage and facing the beast again in these foreign lands.  However, the freedom that had birthed itself in me to date allowed me to  move around and explore Paris with a delicious sense of adventure and curiosity.

The night of the super full moon in July, on the Isle of Naxos Greece,  I  had another look. By that time I had witnessed how the energy hijacked my senses and changed my personality entirely when I was in it’s grip. It would lull me into sadness and tell me that I was alone and that I needed a family , a mate and community. I knew that what it was telling me was false, because when the thoughts cleared, I felt completely fine as a solo traveller. As I sat on the beach under the luminosity of the full moon, I felt myself tilt and once again come into the grips of sadness. I just wanted to cry and never move again, but because so much of me was birthed, I simply got up and went home to my hotel. I called my daughter and friend and I asked that all of my guides, angels loved ones on the other side come forward and assist me to see again with more clarity and I went to sleep.. The next day, I went out sailing to the the most beautiful place I have ever seen in my life . The dolphins came out to join us as well and I felt righted once again. I had survived another visit with the debris and once again I felt more alive. A few days later, I met a Norwegian woman, who's passion for music, like my own was quite literally tireless. We became instant soul sisters and her entire family took me in as one of their own.  By the end of the week we put together a little  concert at our hotel and invited staff, family and other guests for an impromtu party.

As I moved through Italy and Spain ,the sadness was an underlying companion. As long as I kept moving, it kept at bay. However, its discomfort even when I stopped, was fading and so touching it was becoming easier. As I voluntarily put my name in the hat and was chosen to be a contestant on dancing with the Norwegian Epic (cruise line) stars , I knew I was well on my way to living more vibrantly. That was one of the highlights of my entire trip.

Once  I returned to  Canada, and  the familiar,  it was then much easier to let the energy flow through. On my third night in Vancouver, after three weeks in Newfoundland, I found myself on my knees but this time without any hesitation. It was a stop drop and roll at the best Western motel. There was no where to hide from the tremor and no reason to suppress it. As I dropped to the floor, I opened to the flow and let the tears take me home. It was as though my legs willingly collapsed from under me and I felt myself being lifted into a new realm of ease grace and fluidity. I passed through the storm in record time and slept like a newborn baby held in the arms of love. With new clarity, I continued my travels to the top of Whistler Mountain , Squamish and Tofino and my connection with nature took on an unexpected profundity.

When I arrived in Victoria BC, the area I had intuitively chosen as my new home, I was at another beginning. Starting all over again. I felt that I was in the perfect place but I also felt desperatly alone. Every port of call had been a new beginning, but this one felt more destabilising because I was here to stay . It felt as though I had arrived ahead of a life.  As I sat looking out at the ocean, I plotted my escape. I would collect my things , get in my car and start driving. To where, I did not know or care, I just wanted to run from the beast that was threatening to undo me once again. I went home to perceptively start packing but instead  I sat still on the second floor balcony of my Air B&B accommodations and asked for help. I called friends and family and asked them to witness this undoing. In an unprecedented act,  I  invited  myself me seen in full vulnerability by a whole community of loved ones. The light of love that came through, soothed me heart and soul and gave me wings to carry on.  This was  truly a pivotal moment in my life because whatever had been daunting to me, passed away in that moment and has never returned. I found a new home on the inside of myself and  then my home here in Sidney BC presented itself to me with ease. I was amazed.

Touching the notes of the sounds (emotions) of loneliness are no longer locked down to me. No longer a forbidden song. The last time I felt the pull of this energy, I lay down on my bed, breathed deeply for an hour while holding my attention at my feet and it vanished. That was it. Completely gone. As I willingly give voice to all sounds, releasing whatever comes through on the wings of my breath, my cells are transmuting into  billions of openings into the halls of creation.

From this place of engagement in my body, I have been able to ; 

-Develop amazing  skills as a Quantum Energy Transformation Facilitator and assist myself and other people/places to make profound changes 

-Feel safer (feel protected)

-Live alone
-Fail and laugh at myself, especially when I fall flat on my ass (I literally do fall on my ass)
-Enjoy the discovering new places, people and  activities

-Publish this blog

-Join the Peninsula Players group for the Christmas Pantomime production

-Let go. I've become brilliant at letting go of planning, letting go of stuff, ideas, people, places..etc

-To make a difference with the money I already have and stop trying to get more of what I don't really need thus letting it all expand!!
-Let my future unfold in the present moment. 

-Dance when no one else is dancing

-Create a writers group in Sidney BC and invite other writers into my home
-Join a multitude of groups to play, sing, dance and be still

HERE I AM, LET'S GO!!!!