I'VE NO IDEA WHAT IS GOING TO HAPPEN NEXT

As I sit and write about all that has unfolded in my life, in hyper speed, over the past year, I realize that although there is a book in me (perhaps several), I don’t know what it is yet. Every week, I am literally a new person. What I think I am writing about just keeps morphing and transforming. So, I have decided to start sharing my experiences through a Blog and let the book be the book. Let it evolve and write itself through me effortlessly in its own time.

This move was not born out of strategy ,because I have no plan. It simply presented itself to me as an invitation. A wonderful calling forth to share who I have become and how this unfolded . I share with you my vulnerabilities and my power in equal measure because they are the same. 

For those who are new to my adventures, I will give you a very short introduction to the movement that has propelled me to take action in ways that I could never have imagined and would have freaked me out had I seen it in a crystal ball. I was blessed with and struggled through chronic fatigue and depression for many years. I call it a blessing because it was my body saying , “pay attention , I have some things I want to share with you.” Indeed it has had allot to share. 

In 2010, my long term  marriage of 23 years came to an end. I liquified all of my assets and moved down the street . I still needed to be close to my dog (shared custody) ,my son (high school graduate and old enough to choose where he wanted to live) and my ex husband ( whom I still loved but with whom I had completed a life cycle ).  Over the  next two years I moved twice more simply to give myself new experiences. In August 2012 ,my daughter announced that she was going to Fredericton NB for a gap year rather than going directly to college in Toronto as planned.  She was gone within 2 weeks of her announcement. One month later ,my beloved mother , friend and neighbour, whom I thought would be a  brilliant back up plan to sooth the empty nest sensations,  very suddenly left the planet. Within 2 months of her departure my 13 year side kick Sasha, my  golden lab, who had a large tumor on her leg, also made her transition . All that had defined me was gone. All the characters that stared in my life movie had moved on to another set. In truth, I  had given the green light for my life to create  openings so that I could emerge more fully as myself in the world. I didn’t give any conditions for how this could unfold because truthfully I felt a level of emptiness that made me wonder if I actually wanted to be on the planet. So, I gave a complete YES to my higher self to take command. I did ask for ease grace and fluidity and it was given in the gentle loving support that was my constant companion. Through friends, mentors, family and my guidance realms , consisting of guardian angels, arch angels, ascended masters  and departed loved ones, I was constantly reassured and soothed as I journyed .

On November 3rd, 2012, I locked the door of my little beach house apartment behind me and  headed off on a journey into the unknown. If you think that I wasn’t scared shitless,think again. I was probably more frightened , more full of disease and trauma than most, but I had the courage of10 lions and a light that had taken hold inside of me that both propelled me forward and provided a deep knowing that all would be OK. I didn’t go to fix myself, I knew that I wasn’t broken. I didn’t  go to find myself, I wasn’t lost either. I didn’t even go for the ice cream, gelato , frozen yogurt and the french pastries, although one could make a compelling case for such an adventure.  I went because I  felt that more of me was dormant than alive . Far from a cliche of a mid life crisis , I felt that I had not yet discovered the potential of myself, so with insane courage, I leapt into the  unknown ,  to perceive what could be revealed. It  was a journey into the spaces between words. A place where only perception could be my guide. My intellect would have to be superseded so that my innate intelligence, only accessible through connecting myself  up to every cell in her body, could be delivered. 

The exact  itinerary was never know to me until it was necessary. I did not book anything ahead, other than the car and the initial flight. The details of the journey presented themselves to  me “just in time” . I didn’t know until I knew.  If I tried to push it or rush it, everything fell through. If I waited until the big green “GO” button lit up, everything went as smoothly as powder on a baby’s bum.  

Once I got started, so much more presented . With a  compelling, gentle, intuitive invitation ,I kept travelling westward all the way around the world.  In 282 days   17 flights , 70 hours of flying, 9 countries, 11 islands, 8 languages, 20 boat rides, 1 cruise, 2 four wheelers, 10 cars, 5 motor scooters,  2 bicycles, 6 currencies, 7 home stays, 2 retreat centers,  25  hotels, and a multitude of trains, buses and taxis, I gradually became a global citizen.  I gained 10 pounds in two consecutive summers, one in each hemisphere. I had the pleasure of 15  dolphins swims, 3 whales watching excursions, one koala hug and 1 elephant ride. I joined two choirs, a ukulele group, took guitar lessons, and performed in a huge show at the end of the Woodford Australia music festival. I participated in a dance retreat , chant camp, jam sessions and musical soirees. I danced everywhere I went . I attended 12 concerts, 10 Kirtans, and was a contestant on dancing with Norwegian cruise line  stars.I had more massages and body treatments than most people have in a lifetime. I swam and sailed in the North Pacific and South Pacific oceans, the Agean Sea, the Balearic Sea, the Ligurian Sea, The Tyrrhenian Sea, The Bali sea, the Indian OCean and the Altalntic Ocean.  

I made new friends from all over the world, and was deeply touched by their presence , love and kinship. I was also deeply entrained to our beloved mother earth having touched and been transformed by many of her places of gentle power . The whales, dolphins and creatures of the oceanic realms opened my awareness to new dimensions of reality that are both timeless and infinite.

Somewhere along the way, I realized that I would not be going back to where I started. I gradually gave up my apartment, sold my furniture and had my things put in storage. I am currently living in Sidney BC in a small , fully furnished and very cozy bachelorette apartment about 3 min walk from the ocean. How I ended up here is just as much of a surprise to me as was everything else. It presented and I stepped in.  It is a perfect little nest in which to relax, rest and be available for the transformations that are occurring as a cellular metamorphosis in response to my journey. It is a place where I can be still as well as sing, dance and play in service to these unfoldments. As I have settled into myself over the past 5 weeks, I have realized that I no longer need anything that I have stored back east and so I am selling and giving away everything, even my clothes. Once again, it is because the cycle of energy that it represented is now complete. 

I have come to know that safety and security are an inside job.The COMFORT ZONE is only established as a result of what we've been taught about safety . Stepping out of it, literally breaks it’s spell over us and the real TRUTH then has space to be revealed. Safety is who we are when we are deeply in our bodies. It is not a destination. For me personally, knowing this is giving me wings of freedom.

I‘ve no idea what is going to happen next.

Perhaps this is the title of my book .!!